So how did I do it? I was driving home over Hwy 88. One of the spots that always caused me a small amount of fear (not a real panic spot) just went by. I stopped for road construction and thought "how did I get here?" I know I drove down that grade, but don't remember thinking about the dropoff at all. And of course, how do you figure out how you didn't do something? How do you figure out how you didn't think about something when you weren't, after all, thinking about it?
I drove the same stretch of highway exactly one week later. I drove the spur with almost no fear. One good trip and I was able to make the movies go away. I replaced them with the one from a week earlier. They couldn't win because I knew I had driven the grade down into Silver Lake and hadn't even thought about it! Yes, Virginia, I know you can do it and not think about it. This time, on the way back, I thought about it. But instead of my usual nagging little worry, I chose to focus on the car ahead of me. After all, I must have been thinking about something else and just zoning out or focusing on the road without seeing the dropoff. No fear! I like that.
On the other hand, we went camping in the Sweetwater last weekend and that grade still really scares the bejesus out of me. David was really great and I worked very hard to refocus my thoughts and gaze so that I could get down it without panicking. Last year, this grade was about an 8 out of 10 on the fear scale. This year I would put it more like a 5. Still some fear, but much better. Will it ever be okay again? Maybe? Silly ruminations, Trix are for kids!
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